


Finding My Place (And Getting Lost) With You

by talkingtothesky



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Christmas, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-03 20:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2886203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkingtothesky/pseuds/talkingtothesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for margo_kim in the 2011 Armed Bastards Exchange with the prompt 'awkward flirting'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding My Place (And Getting Lost) With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Margo_Kim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margo_Kim/gifts).



Sam's barely managing to keep his eyes open when he spots her. "Hi, Annie!" He calls, trying to sound friendly rather than desperate. She halts in her progress down the corridor, turns back and sticks her head round the canteen door.  
  
"Hello! How long you been in here?"  
  
"I have no idea," Sam answers truthfully. Something about her always compels him to disclose everything he's feeling, whether he wants to or not.  
  
"Awww, Sam." She sounds sympathetic, but there's a slight glint in her eye which could almost be amusement. "The Guv giving you a hard time about-"  
  
"No, no, it's not that." He looks down at the table as she sits across from him, tugs at the ends of his sleeves. "It's...I miss my mum."  
  
Annie reaches out suddenly and rubs her thumb across the back of his hand. "Why don't you go and visit her?"  
  
"Because...!" Sam lowers his voice. "You know why not, Annie."  
  
Annie hunches her shoulders and frowns at him. "You've done it before."  
  
"And it was messy enough that time. I can't...I don't think I'd be very welcome, anymore."  
  
"How can you know if you don't try?"  
  
To his horror, tears prick Sam's eyes faster than he can force them back. He attempts to wipe them away without her noticing. Why can't it be that simple? Why can't it ever be that simple? He's overreacting, he knows he is. But Annie's proffered comfort - one hand still caressing his, the other now resting on his shoulder - makes him want to curl into her and never emerge again.  
  
Sam blows out a puff of air, attempts a laugh. "Merry Christmas."  
  
And then just like that it's all gone. Annie withdraws her hands, sets them on her lap instead. "...It's not Christmas, Sam."  
  
"Yes, it is!" He's heard them on the radio, singing to him. He stops and reconsiders. "In the real world, it is."  
  
Sam notices the flicker of hurt in her gaze but it's not going to change his mind. He's not mad. He's  _not_.  
  
But he's messing this up, again. Driving Annie away.  
  
"It's July." She points out. There's a calendar hanging off a rusty peg on the far wall, decorated with various crude drawings of penises. Judging by its crumpled state, Sam has doubts about whether it has been replaced since last year, or maybe even the year before that, but sure enough it does not say December. Doesn't prove anything, though. So, time moves much more slowly here. Doesn't mean it isn't Christmas out there, somewhere.  
  
"Get some sleep, Sam." Annie sighs. "See you tomorrow."  
  
\---  
  
Sam decides to make more of an attempt at being 'normal' in front of Annie. From now on, no more talking about his mum, no more mentions of the future, veiled or otherwise, and absolutely not, under any circumstances, any more crying.  
  
He also tries his hand at flirting. He's done his best, since he got here, to show her the respect she deserves, by not making a sexual object of her the way the other men do. He's not going to start whistling or cat-calling, but he is going to start making it more obvious when they're alone that he's attracted to her. He plans out whole strategies, lying awake at night, contingency plans and subtle gestures. But the list of thoughts whirring through his head only distracts him when he's around her, second-guessing everything, losing entire conversations to the insufferable noise in his head.  
  
\---  
  
It takes Ray locking them in the storage cupboard for Annie to finally tell him to cut it out and go back to being crazy Sam. Sam tries to explain his reasoning; she silences him with a finger on his lips. Sam goes a bit wide-eyed at this, but doesn't kiss her there and then because he suspects Ray is listening at the keyhole with a tape recorder, or a radio, or both.  
  
\---  
  
"Merry Christmas, Sam!" Annie says brightly, when the day finally arrives, wrapping her arms around him tenderly.  
  
"Annie," Sam replies disapprovingly, doing his best to keep the laughter out of his voice. "Don't you know it's July?"


End file.
